Alone

II

Mood:Lonesome
Colour: Blue
Song: With or Without You (U2)

Have you ever had that hollow, empty feeling that you are so abso-fuckin-lutely alone in this whole wide world? When you have so wanted to talk to someone…. anyone, but there was no one out there. When you have done the rounds of all the chat engines and drawn one blank after another. When you been scouring desperately to pour your heart out to someone who would understand and all you came up with was just another blank wall or closed door. When all you wanted was a kind shoulder and what you get is plastic smiles on plastic faces and a “life-is-like-that-only” piece of enlightened advice. When you have soulfully peered into every eye for even the faintest glint of compassion and encountered a chilly selfishness instead. When you have tirelessly punched out the numbers again and again and heard the same unending ring again and again. And finally, as you foolishly start thinking the ordeal is over with, all you get to hear is, “Sorry sweets, I was kinda busy! Hope you are doing well.” Well? I feel I am staring down a bottomless well, an endless void. Sometimes a.k.a. My Life!
I am screaming to be heard. I am begging to be understood. I am wanting to be together. Ever dropped a pebble in a really deep well? It just swallows up anything you proffer, in its dark throes. The murky darkness lets nothing out. Not even sound. Not even me.
I am falling. Falling in the well. I am shouting. But to no avail. Soon it will swallow me up. The murky darkness will be my end. An apt lonesome ending to an equally lonesome journey. I don’t care. I have seen it coming. But I care for someone. The one I who wouldn’t be mine. The one I am longing for. The one….

Mood: Depressed
Colour: Still blue
Song: With or Without You (U2)

Why today?

I

Mood: Dejected
Colour: Dark, Darker, Darkest Grey
Song: Freebird (Lynard Skynard)

Why not today?
It had to be some god-forsaken-day anyway.
As it is, it was just another Senseless Sunday.
Another day to drill in the realization that there are possibly more ways to while away time than actually make it count.
Sometimes I really wonder why there ever was a Sunday in the first place? Was it another one of those incomprehensible trivialities which could be comfortably blamed on the "Usual Suspects" - God, Communists, Hitler and more recently, Osama bin Laden or to be politically correct, George Bush.
Or is it really a curse bequeathed to us by our all-pervading ancestors, to remind us of the very pointlessness of life itself? An ostensibly senseless apparition that becomes visible every seven days and chillingly shows us the utterly precarious fallout of having absolutely nothing to do. I astutely believe that Sunday is by far the most over-hyped, under-utilized, ennui-inducing, lethargy-extending, life-debilitating and paranoia-prolonging day of the week.
I guess that's exactly why I chose to do it today.
Long live my Blog.
Amen.

Mood: Cynical
Colour: It’s absolutely Black now
Song: Rooster (Alice in Chains)